Ten Percent Boogie + A Partial Huguley = A Cup Event in Jeopardy

The Kiva Cup wouldn’t be the Kiva Cup without Europe pulling some last minute shenanigans. This year, Captain Burnett put the tournament in a partial Huguley and is strangling the life out of the very event.

This is hard to write, and no doubt harder to follow, but let me try to explain.

Late in the week of September 21, 2009, Team Europe stalwart Boogie Stewart announced that he was, maybe, withdrawing from the 2009 Kiva Cup due to medical reasons. It’s about 90% certain, as I understand it, that Boogie will be unable to compete in the 2009 Kiva Cup.

Burnett then conferred with members or Team Europe’s Security Council and identified a third Hawk as a potential target. “I don’t understand why there is a third Hawk brother”, a perplexed Team USA Captain Hartsell said upon hearing the news. A heavy push over the weekend of September 26 was unable to produce a commitment from the third Hawk.

“That [hearing that the third Hawk was out] was actually good news, because we would have had to work overtime to come up with a nickname for the third Hawk. We’ve already got ‘Hawk’, who is also known as ‘True Hawk’ and we also have ‘Hawk’, who is also known as ‘the other Hawk’, or ‘Fake Hawk’, or ‘Chaplain’. We did come up with two possibilities, though, including ‘Hawk’, commonly known as ‘Ghost Hawk’, or simply ‘Hawk’, which could be interpreted as ‘Nickname’”, said General Secretary of the Kiva Cup Jammy Erwin.

Realizing, as Team USA did earlier, that filling the 6th and final spot of a Kiva Cup team can be harder than ever imagined, Brian made a call to Cup veteran R. Dalton Huguley, Jr.. Huguley, known by most as a true grinder of a sportsman, agreed to travel to Kiva on Thursday morning, compete in the Thursday afternoon 4-ball match and both matches Friday. Huguley would, however, have to return to the ATL Friday evening, which would result in a Team Europe forfeiture of one singles match on Saturday. This arrangement has come to be known in Cup parlance as a ‘partial Huguley’. Huguley made such agreement only if entirely necessary in order for Team Europe to field a 6 man team, meaning that the search for a full time member continues.

So, in short, we don’t know what’s happening.

An invitation was tweeted to @ianjamespoulter to join Team Europe. No response has yet been received.

In other news, the conglomerate of CBS/ESPN/JP-SEC Network has conspired to ruin the football viewing on the Saturday of the Kiva Cup. CBS selected Florida-LSU as the 7:00 PM prime time game – as if there isn’t enough tasteless, mind-numbing programming on during prime time - leaving the Alabama – Ole Miss, Georgia – Tennessee, Auburn – Arkansas, and Mississippi State – Houston games to battle for the four day time kickoff times. The options are 2:30 p.m. (CBS), 11 a.m. CDT (ESPN), 11:30 a.m. CDT (ESPNU) or 11:21 a.m. CDT (SEC Network).

So, there’s a 100% chance that either Alabama or Auburn will kick NO LATER THAN 11:30. Saturday morning, tee times have been adjusted to account for the television schedule, but singles matches have been known to approach 5 hours in duration. There’s also a better-than-not chance that ESPNU will carry either the Alabama or Auburn game. It’s unknown, but not anticipated, that ESPNU is a channel provided at Kiva Dunes, meaning that team members would have to travel to Papa Rocco’s, at a minimum, to watch the game.

“It doesn’t matter. There’s no chance of there being a Kiva Cup this year, so golf won’t interfere with football on Saturday”, a despondent Skiba has said (repeatedly).