Team Europe Announces Eighth Player, Again

Team Europe Goes South for Their Eighth

Eagle Point, Ala., September 21, 2010 - For the second time in as many weeks, Team Europe Captain Brian Burnett, who has come under intense scrutiny over the past week due to his handling of Dalton Huguley’s alleged withdrawal from the team, announced in a hastily called news conference late yesterday afternoon that Clarke Burns would be his team’s eighth player for the 2010 Kiva Cup.


A Clarke Burns that works
for Jenkins Brick & Tile Company

 “Clarke Burns is Team Europe’s 8th player” Burnett read from a prepared statement. “He is currently a 0.5 handicap which is a little higher than I like to see out of my players. Clarke’s nickname to Luke and his crew is “Pops” so I am sure there is no way that is what he will be named within Team USA.”

After a brief interruption caused when someone in the audience yelled, “YOU LIE!”, Burnett regained his composure and continued with a direct message to Team USA and its Captain Jim Hartsell. “So, so sorry Team USA [for your loss]. Jim I would like to get a picture of you holding that cup one last time before it is handed over for good.”

Before leaving to enjoy dinner at Prairie Fire Grill, Burnett concluded by thanking all those who tried out for the eighth and final spot on Team Europe, “I would like to thank all the players who tried out and did not quite make the cut. I would encourage you to keep working and ‘don’t give up, don’t ever give up.’”

When asked if he was concerned about Europe adding a third golfer with what amounts to a zero or better handicap, Captain Hartsell responded, “I tell what I am concerned with right now is RYANMALLET RYANMALLET RYANMALLET. He has a cannon, a gun, a HOWITZER, if you will. I don’t see how we can stop him. The CBS announcers are going to slobber on each other every time RYANMALLET walks on the field. It’s going to be hard to watch. And Bobby Paterno is a good offensive mind. Hell, Auburn wanted him, so you know he’s good. I’m not concerned with all those 0 handicaps. Jammy gets 26, minimum, off of each of them, so that’s 4 point in the bank.”

According to GHIN, Clarke Burns is registered at Wynlakes Country Club in Montgomery, Alabama. Currently retaining a 0.5 index, Burns was a +0.1 in July of this year. In true European sportsman fashion, he has managed to inflate his index over a half point in the past five revisions.

Burns battled in the Championship Flight 'B' of the 2009 Selma Country Club Men’s Invitational, scoring 76-76=152 to fall just short of the standard set by the legendary Sam Farlow and, ironically, Will Swift, a man that Burns beat out for Team Europe’s eighth spot.

Clarke Burns is a 1998 graduate of The University of Alabama. According to the wife of one Team USA member, “Clarke Burns is a good KA type name.” In March of this year, Burns celebrated 10 years of gainful employ with the privately held Jenkins Brick & Tile Company as the plant manager at Jenkin’s Montgomery facility. Burns is LinkedIn.