Thursday, April 3, 2014

Fear Not Team USA Fans, Erwin to Stay on Injured Reserve

"It was odd, actually, I was just warming up before a friendly match out at Oxmoor with KCGreat and some guys from church. I don't know if it was the Ridge Course or the Valley Course, whichever tees off behind the practice putting green. Anyway, I just took an easy practice swing with a couple of clubs, and something in my right hip just popped."

That's how longtime Team USA member Jammy Erwin explained his mysterious hip injury that will, among other commitments and, perhaps, multiple "no" votes from members of Team USA, not allow him to participate in the 2014 Kiva Cup.

"It feels okay as long as I don't have to twist my hips. I can run, I can prospect with my metal detector, and I can fish, but I can't swing a baseball bat the way that I'd like, or a tennis racquet, and there's zero chance that I could ever do the shimmy," Erwin said in a very long, compound sentence.

Erwin missed the 2013 Kiva Cup due to injury, time restrictions, and a general bad attitude toward golf. Team USA dropped the 2013 contest 13-7 to a European team that mailed it in on Saturday or the score would have been worse.

"Who?", European captain Brian Burnett responded when told of Erwin's inability to compete in this year's event.

Team USA's captain Jim Hartsell was a little more mindful about Erwin's absence. "Well, unless they've built a new fort somewhere on the peninsula, I'm really out of inspirational ideas. I counted on Jammy to help me with that type of stuff. Maybe I'll do "Stronger" on the karaoke at The Deuce. That might get someone inspired enough to get a match to #16. The problem with trying to inspire this team is that, if you get them too jacked up, they think they can hit 3 iron on #17. They can't. They never could. It's never worked, but every year - I think I got that shot - no, no you don't. Stop it! But I digress. Yes, Jammy, hip, won't be there. Need a helper in the kitchen."

The Kiva Cup is scheduled for November 6-9 at Kiva Dunes Golf Club in Fort Morgan, Alabama.

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5 comments:

Kutilda Woods said...

Jay Meerwin a JOKE!

One Eyed Willy said...

I am so glad Jammy is staying home and my Fort Morgan treasure will remain safe under the sand.

Sean Foley said...

Mark Skiba is one of the finest students to attend my golf academy. My sincere hope is that his ulnar ligament continues to heel. I have faith you can win a point this year.

Baby Hawk said...

My daddy says there should be a minimum handicap of 14 to participate in the Cup. He says I'm a 25 and my older sister is a 21.

Monkey Squirrel on #5 said...

I believe that's a point Mr. Erwin has made himself, several times, Baby Hawk.