Gooses Cooked & Big Wayne Sez

The calendar says Mid-August, and that can only mean three things:

1. Auburn has got themselves a QUARTER BACK!
2. Tiger won another PGA Championship.
3. Kiva teams are knee-deep in some interleague play.

What? Only one of the above is correct?

Before I go any further, was I the only one that wanted to punch Jim Nantz right in his uncreative chops yesterday when, as Y. E. Yang’s birdie putt fell in to the hole on 18, he screamed “Y- E-YES!”? I also wanted to punch the guy that said, as Tiger missed his birdie putt on #2 and fell to his knees, “Tiger rarely shows frustration.” Really? You’ve never seen him slam a club in to the earth or drop an f-bomb on TV. They shouldn’t let rookies do majors.

Back to which of the above 3 items is correct. As for #1, I know Auburn named Chris Todd (no relation to the real quarterback, Richard Todd) as their starting quarterback, but I’m still not sure that they have a quarterback. As for #2, well, I think the entire world knows a little bit more about Seoul, South Korea this morning. So, that leaves us with INTERLEAGUE PLAY as the correct item!!


This weekend at Goose Pond Golf Club in Scottsboro, Alabama, four Team USA members and European Captain Boo Burnett mixed it up a bit in a five-some battle royale at the Colony Course.

Team USA Captain Jim teamed with Jammy and versed all comers. That meant that Jim and Jammy versed the teams of Mark & Brian (how many times can you say I-95, I-95, I-95?) and Mark & Jarrod. Jarrod & Brian can't team together because of their mutual dislike and whatnot, so, actually, Mark (seen at left with his perfect set up) was the only one to go interleague. The NEW Tarrant Armada v. Family battle was more like a team scrimmage, I guess.

The drive from Trussville to Scottsboro was very nice. Quite scenic and, except for the lady from Mississippi that decided to do a 3-point turn on Highway 79 as we were traveling down a hill at 65 miles an hour, the drive was quite relaxing.

Nonetheless, after the decision to play from the white tees instead of the blue tees dropped Brian’s home course handicap from a 10 to a 9, I think he knew before we ever teed off that the smell in the air wasn’t just goose poop, it was defeat.

Jim and Jammy brother-in-lawed it pretty good on their way to a best ball score of 59 and victories of 4 & 3 and 5 & 3. Not sure which was which, but both matches were closed out when Jim made birdie on the par 5 15th.

In individual scoring, Mark led all players a 78. Jarrod had an 81, Brian had an ESC 81 (real 82), Jim carded an 88, and Jammy finally broke 100 this summer with his 97 on the day.

“I was really hitting the ball well on the range prior to the match”, Jammy said. “I was even hitting 4-iron on the range before we teed off. I just didn’t transfer it to the course, as I only hit 3 of 14 fairways all day. I had four GIRs, and 37 putts (20 – 17). I hit some really bad shots, but my real Achilles heal is my short game right now.”

When pressed for examples, Jammy cited three holes that could have turned the 97 in to 90-breaking round.

“After blading an 8-iron on the par 4 first to about 50 yards, I flubbed two wedge shots before chipping up to 8 inches for a tap in 6. After missing the fairway on #11, I then hit a solid 6-iron in to the top of a tree, resulting in an advancement of about 15 yards. My 3rd shot was hybrid in to a green side sand trap. My fourth shot went over the green and in to the sand on the other side. My fifth shot rolled about 6 feet off the back of the green green. My sixth shot was a flubbed chip that ended up about 10 feet from the cup. Two putts later I had my first and only snowman of the day. Lastly, on the par 5 15th, I was driver-hybrid in to a green side sand trap. I had an awkward stance, and little confidence, for my 3rd shot which resulted in my leaving the ball in the trap. This time the ball came to rest on the wet, packed sand in the bottom of the trap. Fourth shot was bladed over the green and almost in to the lake. Fifth shot was back over a sand trap that I wanted no part of, so I put the ball about 60 feet from the cup. It was actually a nice little two putt for a 7.”

So, on each of those three holes, it took you at least 4 strokes to hole out from within 40 yards?

“Exactly. On #1 it took 5 strokes from within 130 yards, and on numbers 11 and 15, it took 5 strokes on each hole from, really, within 20 yards of the cup. If I get that straightened out, well, sorry for your loss Team Europe, sorry for your loss.”

What about reports on everyone else?

“I can’t really tell you”, said Jammy. “I was too busy hacking around to watch every one else. Mark hit some nice drives all day. Fact of business, he shot 78, so he played well. Jarrod did his regular scrambling around for par from all over the place, but he finally hit some real nice drives late in the round. Brian hit some great shots, and obviously Jim carried me around all day. I think we all netted about 71, so that says something, but I don’t know what exactly.”

Brian stayed in the here and now, and did seem to be too fazed following the round about his team’s chances at Kiva.

“I can’t compete against people who spray the ball all over the course. If we had played a course where Jim and Jammy had to keep the ball through the green, like at Kiva – and didn’t have the luxury of playing from two fairways over - Mark & I would have HAMMERED them” said Brian following the match. “Neither one of them would have broken 100 at Kiva today hitting the ball the way they hit it. Lucky.”

“DYNASTY!!! Our six year plan for Cup domination is coming to fruition!!!! ”, yelled Captain Jim as he began his trek back across the Arab causeway.

Big Wayne Sez
We’re renaming our regular “Kiva Dunes Course Update” section to better reflect the source of the information.

Due to better than expected rainfall, the new greens at Kiva Dunes are coming in better, and faster, than anticipated.

“They will start cutting the greens this week. They still plan to be open by mid September,” Big Wayne reported. “Per Mark Stillings the blade on this type of Bermuda is about ½ the size of a blade of grass on the old greens. They will never over seed these greens, so future cups can be held later in the year if necessary.”

Big Wayne also said that they are utilizing what appears to be road paving equipment to roll the greens. “This thing is huge. These greens are going to roll true. I just don’t know if you’re able to get a ball to check on them”, Big Wayne said, implying that the greens may not be as receptive to approach shots as one would hope.

That’s it girls! It’s back to the range for this cat. Practice practice practice. Gotta transfer the shots from the range to the course. I’ve got a short game session planned for this Wednesday in which I plan to hit some simulated golf shots, but I do not plan to play until the 29th at a little course known as FARMLINKS. It’s the Second Annual First Baptist Church SCRAMBLE, so I’ll be able to get some good practice in without the fear of adding an 88 to GHIN before the 9/24 revision.

Oh, that reminds me, McLovin, if you haven’t reactivated your GHIN account, do it soon! It’s imperative!